here it is, everything

im going to clear this up now, because like you i hate the misunderstandings....but unlike you im not afraid to let you know what i think. unlike you if i have to tell you something im going to say it. i dont give a fuck anymore if im pushing my fucking feelings because even if i am they dont matter anyways.
first off you may think that no one cares that whatever you do dosent matter. well fuck that.
you dont even know how much i still care about you. its so hard for me to just sit here not being able to talk to you, not being able to see you. and yes i'll admit it, since you keep pushing on the fact before yes i am jelouse of mark, and im always going to be.
kat you just dont get it do you? eveyone keeps telling me that i have to be the one to approach you. i have to be the one to fix things. the truth is how many times did i try? how many times do i have to try? before this all happened, right when i noticed you were growning distant from me i tried so hard to keep things the same. i tred talking to you, i tried spending time with you, i tried everything that i could. but each time you just got mad, and said cant you wait, or i need my space, or i cant get help from anymone till i can help myself. each time i tried to talk to you, you just pushed me away and went back to mark. you know how bad you hurt me?
it dosent even matter anyways. i had to face the fact that you were always going to go back to mark. so i finally gave up on you. after how many times i tried i finally gave up. you win have mark. what i hate most of all is that your going to get hurt again. and you never deserve to get hurt like that. you've always been a good person and a good girlfriend to him. yet he always fucks up and hurts you. i dont see why you keep going back to just withness your own downfall.

its hard for me to try to comprehend why you did this to me, i cant even explain it in words. you dont know how much negative feeling i had towards you for the longest time. but in the end no matter how hard i just tried to forget you i couldnt. because i guess im always going to have the same feelings for you.
i hate having to read that you cant handle this anymore. that no one understands. that no one cares.
no matter what im alwasy going to be here, i promised you that and im never going to break it.
i dont care even if your never there for me. im alwasy here for you.

what do you expect form me?
you want me to fix everything huh? even though i hate to admit it you caused this shit.
you told me we cant talk till your ready, im making your life harder, im pushing my feelings on you?
well all i can say is how do you expect me to fix things when there are so many factors up against me. you havent even tried to talk to me, you havent done shit. you invited me out that one friday and i was hopeing youd talk to me, but you didnt. so thanks i really appreciated that. i dont know whay its so hard for you to talk to me anymore. it was never this hard. i cant wait forever for you to say something.
you may thing it takes time to heal things but if you take no initative time will just keep ticking away.
im done waiting. i had to wait so long that im just fed up with it all.
aimee tried so hard to make me change my mind and let you back in my life. i really didnt want you in my life though...because its like with you i alwasy have to be the one to get hurt, i always end up dissapiointed and left feeling like shit. everytime.
when me you and mark are in the same place i become invisible, and i have to always let you and mark be together. i have to always sacrifice myself for the two of you.
and im fine with it aslong as your happy.
thats all i want for you.
even if you cant be atleast content.
how much more shit do i have to go through.
honestly i dont even care about all the shit you did to me anymore, i guess i deserve it for giving you my all.
so im sorry, im sorry for doing everything.
at this point im just confused about everything, your so lucky you have chantel, mark and whoever.
i have no one else really, cause i cant talk to jo or the other guys. they sided with mark. and i have no girls that i can talk to really, the only other person was my cousin, but shes in cali.
so really thanks for everything, and im sorry.
thats all i have left to say im sorry.
you win i lost hope your happy.
this was what you wanted right? to have someone else to take the blame from you. so you can go ahead and blame me.