all i have to say.

is i only comapred myself to him because you always said i was, so eventually i did.
i gave you your space because i knew you really needed it because i did understand what you were going through, i knew you needed your own time and space so i backed off.
but the thing is while i backed off you got close to mark again. and dont say you didnt, everyone saw it and i mean everyone.
i like how you pushed me away and got close to mark again, cause that really showed me a lot of shit.
oh yeah and i like how you say you didnt want to hurt anyone...so you hurt me twice?

you thought that i was selfish, because i didnt understand what you were going through, and i just kept pushing our problem on you when you had so much already to deal with right? it funny because the reason i blew up that time was because i was waiting for you for 3 weeks to say something to me. so im guessing its alright for you to blow up in my face and its not okay for me. i have so much things to say but i wont cause im afraid of hurting you.
yet this whole time you just kept going at it.
and still your afraid to talk to me...wow really its been a month since i've talked to you. i guess you still need your "space" huh.
well have all the space you need then, do whatever you want.
i know you have a lot of things to deal with, so i dont want to be a problem to you anymore.
so do whatever it is you have to do, just forget about me. i told you if i could take your problems away from you i would. i always try so hard with you, but its never enough.
and it just seems like im a continuous problem for you right?
i make your life harder.
wow i must be selfish for saying all this and pushing our problem on you, but if i hadnt brought it back up would we still not be talking.
im trying so hard to mend things idk why.
you were the one to push me away so why am i trying so hard?
it looked like you didnt care you gave up so easily? but yet im still trying to fix things even without your help. i guess its because i really do care for you and im always going to feel this way towards you.
i never judged you and even now im not. every one who tried to help me judged you, yet i find myself always defending you. i dont want to hate you, because i could never.
its okay for you to hate me though, because i did fuck up your life.

im not even that really religious but i find myself praying for you and your family all the time.
so in the end you believe, think, say, judge, whatever what you want of me. i dont care.
im afraid to say it now, thats the one thing that i have become of afraid to come to terms with, so i cant. haha you probably dont want to hear it anyways. cause then id be pushing my feeling on you.
and if you didnt mean it like that what did you mean?
idk im always the one stuck here waiting for answers that i never seem to get.
when i think back to everything, you made me promise to tel you everything so i did, yet you dont ever tell me anything, youd think that id get mad at that, or irritated...but im not you have your reasons, so we'll leve it at that. but yeah im not going to wait for you forever.
and on top of this i'll admit it i caved first, you didnt want to be the one coming to me to fix things so i admit it i caved first. i need you in my life.